i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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