How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
