HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
