My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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