Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
