My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
