I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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