just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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