he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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