As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
