Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
