That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
