I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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