I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
