If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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