i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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