they need to just BURY HIM!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
