I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she peed on how many people?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
