wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
