We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
