Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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