Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
