Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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