i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
