she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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