I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can't just leave with hair like that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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