I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
