Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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