We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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