Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
