just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
