im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
