You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
