my phone needs a breathalizer
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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