Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
