Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
