I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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