The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
