Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
