His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My vagina is very pro this idea
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
