Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
