I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
