I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
