forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
