Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
