I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
