Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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