I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
