Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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