We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
