Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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