Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
